HidaKaku
by kisaitaluvr
Summary: stupid rigged coin toss stupid maids dress stupid leader" Kakuzu mummbled WARNING: YAOI IN LATER CHAPTERS UKE KAKUZU AND MAID DRESSES
1. Chapter 1

If I owned naruto none of the Takatsuki would have died and sasuke and Karin would had been killed before they were even put back In the time skip version.

"I hate you hidan" Kakuzu said as he shifted himself in hidans lap trying to pull the short skirt he had on down his legs farther.

I know most of you people want to know why the fuck Kakuzu is in Hidans lap and why he's wearing a skirt well just keep reading and you'll find out

------------------FLASHBACK OF DOOM ----------------2 hours earlier-----------------------------------------------

Kakuzu and hidan were sitting in leaders office waiting to get their next mission.

"Kakuzu ,hidan seeing as both Itachi and Deidara are gone on missions with their partners and I don't have the time to wait for them to get back you will have to do this assassination mission instead of one of them." Leader said as he leaned back in his swirly office chair *A/N I love office chairs there so fun*

"We'll take the mission but I don't see why those teams would normally get this mission in the first place." Kakuzu said

"The other teams would take this because for this mission you have to seduce the target not just get in kill the guy and get out" Leader said with a chuckle.

"WHAT!!!!!!!" Kakuzu and hidan yelled .

"Well you already accepted so who's going to be the girl" Leader smirked

"NOT ME !" they both said at the same time.

"Fine then we will just flip a coin and see who gets picked now hidan pick heads or tails." Leader smirked as he took out a quarter from seemingly no where.

"I pick fucking heads!" Hidan shouted as the coin was tossed into the air.

The coin flipped dramatically in the air and landed on the table with the TAILS up!

"YES! IN YOUR FUCKING FACE KAKU- wait how's he supposed to be a girl "

"Hm he'll just have to use a henge to change now DISMISSED!" leader said as he threw some balled up cloths at Kakuzu.

-----------------------BACK IN THE ZOMBIE BROS ROOM-------------------------------------------------------

"Well go ahead and transform we've got a mission to do time is money" Hidan said while snickering.

"Oh shut up!' Kakuzu said as he walked into the bathroom to start the henge.

---------------------------------------in the bathroom--------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ok its just for the mission theres nothing to be afraid of." Kakuzu said as he gave himself a pep talk.

Kakuzu started the jutsu "SEXY NO JUTSU" when the smoke cleared you cold see a average height female standing about 5' 5" with a large cloak just about to fall off of her shoulders. She had Soft brown hair that was about down to her shoulders and medium sized boobs with a small waist and thin legs.

"Ok now lets just put on th- WHAT THE FUCK!" Kakuzu said as he opened the bag only to find a black and red maid outfit *A/N Theres a link to the pic on my profile *

"just fucking great not only am I a girl I have to where a fucking maids outfit" Kakuzu mumbled as he put the outfit on .

----------------in the room after Kakuzu in done getting dressed---------------------------------------------------------

Hidan turns to look up from his bed as he heres the bathroom door open

"Don't you dare laugh at me you bastard!" Kakuzu seethed

"*As he tries to hold I his laughter* What the fucking hell are you wearing"

"Leader put this in the bag now lets go I want to get this over with"

They walked out of base and headed off to kirigakure which is where their mission takes place

* * *

Thank you for reading my stories I hope you enjoyed it please review and tell me whether I should continue or just delete this fic


	2. Chapter 2

"Uh can we stop please!" Kakuzu actually whined

"Whoa dude why are you whining that's my job."

"These panties are giving me a wedgie! And my legs hurt!" "Ugh fine we'll stop at the next hotel."

The two missing nin kept walking for about a mile until they reached their destination the nearest hotel in kirigakure which was thankfully near the brothel their target owned.

The two nuke-nin walked into the hotel and up two the register. "One room please." "sure just give me a minute " the old lady said about a minute later she returned with a silver key "Room 21 second floor please enjoy your stay!"

"Ugh finally I don't know how girl ninjas stand this!" Kakuzu said as she plopped down on the bed and reached down into her skirt and started to pick the wedgie her soft pink panties were giving her. "I could never where these dreaded panties all my life."

"Yeah well your gonna have to deal with it until tonight because our fucking target doesn't fucking show up at his club till 9 at fucking night" "Yeah Yeah I know!"

"I'm leaving to find a fucking virgin to sacrifice" Hidan said as he left out the door.

"At least I get some time to myself." "Stupid women and their stupid panties WHY CANT THEY WHERE BOXERS there some much more comfortable and they don't CONSTANTLY give you wedgies!" Kakuzu said as she started to walk around the room.

-------------------------------------------------4 hours later at the targets club.---------------------------------------------

"NNN stupid panties!" Kakuzu said from onto of hidans lap "Will you shut the fuck up about your fucking panties !" "But their giving me a wedgi-" "I know their giving you a wedgie I don't fucking care now shut up and calm down our targets coming over!"

Just as Hidan said their target walking over to them with his eyes glued to him or more specifically Kakuzu who was busy fidgeting in hidans lap.

Now most would think a person who owned a whore house would look hot but not Hikamaru Koisi he was slightly obese with think black hair and a chubby face .He wore a Black suit with shiny black shoes. Kakuzu shivered involuntarily "_he's so disgusting !"Both Kakuzu and Hidan thought as they looked Hikamaru over_

"_Well well well what do we have here." "This is Katishi say hello Katishi" "Hello mister-" " Hikamaru" _

"_Hello mister Hikamaru" _

"_Well aren't you a cutie " Hikamaru said a he petted Kakuzu's hair. Kakuzu was just about to start growling when "You will be staying the night wont you?" "Actually we wont our hotel is in the next town over so we must be going in a few minutes" _

" _Nonsense ill cancel your reservations and you shall stay here for the night. " " But-" _

" _We cant have a delicate creature such as this walking around in the middle of the night all defenseless!" Hikamaru said as he pulled Kakuzu up off of Hidans lap and pulled her tight against his big stomach and softly stroked her back with his large hand._

"_Fine we shall stay but their must be some way we could repay you for the room" Hidan smirked as he sent a glance towards Kakuzu back._

"_Oh I think that Katishi would be a sufficient trade for the room payment." Hikamaru said as he continued to stroke Kakuzu's back as he silently whimpered._

"_Very well then I will bring her to you tomorrow night is that ok with you?" Hidan said trying so hard not to curse seeing as it would give away his identity._

"_That is fine have a nice night " Hikamaru said as he walked away leaving Kakuzu in hidan's hands._

"_Get your hands off of me you bastard! How dare you whore me out like that!" Kakuzu said as he slapped Hidan's hands off his soft waist and stomped off to their new room. _

"_Hmpf well a thank you for getting our fucking mission on the way would have been nice." _

_---------------------------------------back in Hidans And Kakuzu's Room-------------------------------------------------_

"_I cant believe Hidan would just whore me out like that stupid bastard." Kakuzu said as he picked the wedgie his pink panties gave him while laying face down on their bed not even noticing that hidan had come in the door and was sneaking up on her._

"_Stupid stupid pant EEEEEEEEEEE!!" Kakuzu let out a screech as her pink panties were pulled straight up between her soft cheeks by Hidans rough hands. _

"_HA this is for stomping away from me and slapping me bitch!" Hidan laughed as he pulled Kakuzu off the ground by her panties and started to bounce her up and down._

"_AH Hidan stop it that fucking hurts." Kakuzu yelped as she was pulled off the ground and bounced up and down rapidly._

"_PUT ME DOWN! OUY BASTARD!" _

"_Oh you want to be put down well fine ill put you fucking down!" And true to his words Hidan put Kakuzu down but as soon as he did he took her panties and pulled them right over her head and set them right under her tanned chin giving her an atomic wedgie._

"_Hidan What the hell!!" She said as she tried to rip the panties off of her head _

"_Uh Uh uh im not done with you just yet bitch!" Hidan snickered as he lifted her up by her panties and walked her over to a coat hook and pulled her panties up a little higher only to place a separate coat hook in each of the leg holes and then let her go effectively giving her a hanging wedgie mixed with a atomic wedgie. Both of these wedgies caused Kakuzu to let out a loud screech._

_Once done giving her a wedgie Hidan just left her there to hang by her soft panties and try to relieve the pain by wiggling around which only caused the wedgie to drift higher into her already abused crack. _

"_H-hidan where are you going aren't you going to let me down." Kakuzu said a little fear showing in her voice from thinking that she was going to be left there to hang by her panties._

"_Oh don't worry ill be right back im just Fucking getting something!" hidans voice sounded from the Bathroom. "Now where is it ,No not it ,nope ,no ,it should be in her- There it is!" Hidan said with a cheery smile on his flawless face as he grabbed a tube of unknown substance from the bathroom medicine cabinet._

_He started to walk out of the bathroom with the tube and straight over to where Kakuzu was hanging all the while unscrewing the cap off the tube. _

"_Hidan what are you doing."_

"_Oh don't worry im right here this might hurt though!" Hidan snickered as he poured the substance which we could now tell was icy hot down the back of her underwear and laughing as the female yelled as the cold cream turned steaming hot and back to cold as it dripped down her soft abused crack. _

"_Noooooooooooooo please stop it hurts!" She yelled as she heard Hidan laughing as he walked away and sat back on the bed. _

"_I told you it would hurt now all you have to do is hang there until either morning comes and I have to get you to hikamaru or until your panties rip!" _

"_B-but" "This is what you get now shut the fuck up im trying to sleep bitch!"_

_-----------------------------------------------------The end to be continued--------------------------------------------------_

_Thank you for reading my story I hoped you liked it and please review!_


	3. Chapter 3

**-----------------------------------------------------The next day 7 at night ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"**You bastard I cant believe you did that to me!" **

**Kakuzu's panties decided to stay strong well into the night a finally rip about 3 in the morning and by time they had thankfully ripped the icy hot had finally wore off leaving the female miser to pick herself off the floor and pull the remains on her tattered panties out of her cheeks and head off to the shower to wash any remains of the icy hot off her bottom and then put on a new pair of panties.**

"**Well to bad your going to have to believe it because it did happen and if you don't fuck off about it im going to take you back to our room and give you an even worse punishment." Hidan said with a sneer on his face.**

"**Stupid bastard" She muttered under her breath somewhat afraid that her already sore ass would receive more abuse.**

"**Stop your fucking muttering were almost to Hikamaru's room and you need to be a good little whore until im able to get into his room and kill him"**

"**Ah there you are Katishi I've been waiting for you look absolutely delicious my sweet." Hikamaru said as he strutted up to who he thought was named Katishi who was dressed in a sexy French maid outfit.**

***A/N Theres a pic on my profile so go there if you want to see it.* **

**And took her bye the arm and lead her back to his room closing and locking the door behind him not even thanking hidan for bringing her here.**

"**Stupid motherfucker not even thanking me!" Hidan mumbled as he slipped out the window and onto the balcony outside of Hikamaru's room and peered in trying to see what was happening to his seemingly defenseless partner.**__

"**Well technically he is defenseless seeing as he cant kill anyone in his form because he needs to seduce the target and the fact that he cant use jutsus in a female form." Hidan mused as he sat on the balcony rail to wait until Kakuzu signaled he could make a safe entrance.**

**--------------------------------------------------------Inside the room-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kakuzu kept his eyes shut as he felt Hikamaru start to suck and bite down on his neck. **

***A/N I will only tell you what happens I will not make any dialog or noises until Hidan comes back in because im not comfortable righting hentai between these two thank you for your understanding* **

**Hikamaru began to unbutton the top on the French maid outfit and then start to suck on Kakuzu's breasts and he ground his hard erection into Kakuzu's still clothed core.**

**Kakuzu mewled not liking one bit that this man was trying and succeeding to basically rape him with hidan right outside the window.**

**-----------------------------------------------------------Timeskip 20 minutes later--------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kakuzu was pinned down to the bed with Hikamaru on top of him both only having pants on or case Kakuzu ad a very short skirt barely covering anything right as Hikamaru started to pull Kakuzu's skirt down he panicked and flashed a signal to Hidan that it was safe to come in and save him from getting fully raped.**

**---------------------------------------------------------------------On the balcony------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Hidan POV-**

**I was sitting on the railing waiting for the signal from Kakuzu I was staring up into the sky silently praying to jashin not wanting to see my partner get raped by some stranger all because leader wanted some payment from this fucker **

**No matter how much you people disagree I might not show it but I care for my partner or at least enough to not let him get raped when s defenseless and with me just standing outside the door. **

**____-----------------------------------------------------5 minutes later still with hidan--------------------------------------------______________-**

**Im still waiting for the fucking signal from Kakuzu.**

**Finally the fucking signal. I say as I silently slip into the and the first thing I see is Kakuzu about to be raped with a panicked look on his face.**

**I rush over to the fucker and pull him straight off of Kakuzu and start punching him repeatedly seeing as I didn't have my scythe because it would give our identities away .**

"**What the hell what are you doing" Hikamaru screams as I punch him **

**All the while Kakuzu is picking up her cloths and putting them back on and grabbing the scroll we were here to get.**

"**YOU LITTLE BITCH YOU WERE IN ON THIS TO!" HE screamed at Kakuzu**

"**Actually im a guy im using a henge' **

**Right as im about to slice his head off he yells out "CHANGE NO JUTSU"**

**That's the last thing he says before I finish him off. "What the fuck is a change no jutsu" "Yeah Hidan cause id know lets just get going the sooner we leave the sooner I can change back and we head off." **

"**Yeah yeah hold your fucking horses"**

**------------------------------------------------Back at their original hotel room------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

"**Finally I can undo this henge and get out of here" Kakuzu says and he makes the appropriate hand signs and the a puff of white smoke appears where he was standing.**

**But instead of seeing the male Kakuzu I still see the hot female Kakuzu**

"**What the fuck' We both say at the same time **

"**Why the hell didn't you turn back to normal you fuckjng greedy bastard."**

"**I don't know but I have a bad feeling it has something to do with that jutsu that guy used." "Whatever lets just go back to base and see what leader has to say."**

**-----------------------------------------------Back at base_------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Kakuzu walks in in front of Hidan and the first thing they both hear are wolf whistles From almost all the members besides Zetsu Itachi and Sasori.**

**Kakuzu makes a grossed out face as soon as he heres the wolf whistles and stomps off to there room still dressed in the French maid outfit.**

"**Hey sexy where you going." Kisame say with a smirk**

"**Kisame I really think your fucking barking up the wrong tree." Hidan says with a smirk plastered on his**

"**Oh im sorry was she your whore Hidan" "She's my partner not my whore!"**

"**I thought Kakuzu was your partner" Deidara asked with a curious look on his face a he petted Sasori's hair when Sasori snuggled into his neck. *A/N Yes Sasori snuggled in Deidara which means Sasori's UKE***

"**Kakuzu is my partner you dumbass!" "But you just said-" "THAT IS KAKUZU FUCKER!" **

"**But Kakuzu's a guy not a girl!" Kisame said with a shocked look on his face.**

"**Well you and Blondie bombers teams were out on other missions so me and Kakuzu had to take the fucking seduction mission leader was going to give to one of you and we flipped a coin to see who was the female and it was rigged so it landed on Kakuzu."**

"**OH" they both said with a knowing look on their faces. **

"**But if it was only for one mission how come he's still a girl?" Sasori asked with a questioning look on his childish face.**

"**Because the fucker we had to kill used some kind of jutsu on him and we need leader to reverse it so he can release the henge and become a guy again!" "oh" "Yeah so that's why he's still a girl"**

**Right as Hidan finished saying this Kakuzu walked in with a sexy school girl outfit on and I looked as it the most concealing thing the outfit had on was the blue stripped tie that was hanging around her neck.**

***A/N all the outfits pics are on my profile.***

**And as soon as she walked in Leader poofed in with a cd player playing this song**

_**From all the drugs the one i like more is musicFrom all the junks the one i need more is musicFrom all the boys the one i take home is musicFrom all the ladies the one i kiss is music (muah!)Music is my boyfriendMusic is my girlfriendMusic is my dead endMusic is my imaginary friendMusic is my brotherMusic is my great-grand-daughterMusic is my sisterMusic is my favorite mistressFrom all the shit the one i gotta buy is musicFrom all the jobs the one i choose is musicFrom all the drinks the one i get drunk is musicFrom all the bitches the one i wannabe is musicMusic is my beach houseMusic is my hometownMusic is my king-size bedMusic is my hot hot bathMusic is my hot hot sexMusic is my back rubMusic is where I'd like you to touch**_

"**What the fuck is this Stop playing that song every single time I walk in a room" Kakuzu yelled at the leader as she sat down at the table.**

**------------------------------------------------------------TO BE CONTINUED--------------------------------------------------------------------------**

**Hope you enjoyed reading the third chapter we'll see next time what happens to leader and the Akatsuki's Reactions **

**Don't forget to review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXD**


	4. Chapter 4

Hi guys im sorry but this isn't a new chapter this is a author note

Anyway im sorry to say that I wont be able to continue this story for alittle while BUT IT WILL BE UPDATED LATER

My computer messed up the next 4 chaps I had writen and I need to rewrite them also I have to use my friends laptop cause mine went BOOM also if you guys relly do want me to continue im gonna need more reviews

See you when I get a new LAPtop


	5. Chapter 5

Hey guys im sorry for the long wait but my computer broke and I had no inspiration and I was working on my essay for English any way im back on track! And any pics of things you might want to see will be on mah profile

_Flashback_

Thinking

Talking

--------- 3 am the next morning --------------------

Kakuzu was asleep underneath her soft brown covers. She was peacefully sleeping when she felt a sudden weight on her lower back.

'What the…. HIDAN what are you doing." Kakuzu said as she started to try and get up of her bed.

Of course hidans weight was to great for her to lift off her back. She started to kick and struggle to get out from under Hidan.

Hidan quickly grabbed the back of her baby blue thong that was sticking out from the blue lingerie.

"Move and I will pull this thong so far up your ass you will taste it in the back of your throat!" Hidan said with a sneer as he started to gently pull up on the thong.

Kakuzu settled down and just sat under hidans weight and laid there as he felt Hidan lower his thong. Then right as the thong was about to go into his lingerie Hidan pulled it up all the way above her head and placed it right under her chin. Once the thong was in place a POOF sounded and a cloud of smoke appeared right where Kakuzu once was.

In the place of the smoke and the female Kakuzu was a fully male Kakuzu in all his copper skinned glory. There was a couple things different about him though like his stitches had disappeared ad he was smaller than before but his head came up to hidans shoulder. With the fact that he was wearing blue lingerie that was meant for a women body and a thong also meant for a women body.

And since the clothing was meant for a women and couple sizes to small for the now male Kakuzu the thong completely ripped which he was glad for seeing as it was giving him a wedgie and the lingerie didn't completely rip but it didn't rip in some places.

Of course while all this was happening Hidan had got off of Kakuzu and was just staring at him.

"what the fucking jashin was that!" "Yes im back to normal! AND IM PARTIALLY NAKED HIDAN GET OUT OF MY ROOM!" Kakuzu yelled when he remembered just what he was wearing.

________2 days later on a scouting mission.____________________________________

Two cloaked figures walked down an eerie abandoned pathway the shorter cloaked figure was grumbling to himself about how horrible the last mission went and how he was going to get back at the taller male for putting him through that kind of pain..

Flashback 2 hours ago

"_I know you both just got back from your last mission but now that Kakuzu is back to normal you are being sent on another mission." A heavily shadowed person said and then paused for any objections_

"_I normally leave the spying to zetsu but he's on a different mission and we need the information now" "Ugh fine but I swear if one of us has to be a woman Hidan has to do it!" Kakuzu said with a sigh_

"_Don't worry neither of you have to transform into any thing but you need to infiltrate one of orochimarus bases and retrieve a scroll. Do not go in alone you both need to be in the base at the same time there are series of ambushes set up according to zetsu's earlier spying."_

End flashback

'Now all I need to do is find some way to get back at all the things Hidan did to me while I was a female." Kakuzu thought as he walked slowly behind Hidan. They were almost to the village right outside the hideout that they were supposed to infiltrate.

30 minutes later

"One room please." Hidan said as he handed the money over to the old man at the main desk. "Room 468 4th floor have a nice stay!" The old man said as he cracked a smile at Kakuzu. Both men walked to the room they had the key for.

'I know how to get back at Hidan ill just go get the scroll and take it back to leader and he'll punish Hidan for not doing anything! it's a brilliant Idea!" Kakuzu thought as he laid down in the bed next to hidans.

12:00 midnight that night

Kakuzu softly opened the window in their room looking back to make sure his partner was still asleep.

Kakuzu stealthily moved down the side o the building and walked to the edge of the village and masked his chakra and continued to move towards the hideout.

Once Kakuzu had gotten in the hideout he was almost immediately surrounded by sound ninja. (A/N since im no good at fight scenes ill just give you the really important details J) Of course Kakuzu had tried to use his threads but right as he tried to he noticed that his threads weren't on his arms or any part of his body for that matter. And putting 2 and 2 decided that since his threads weren't on his skin he couldn't use them at all. Right as he thought of this a bunch of kunai with chakra enhanced strings connected to them.

The ropes wrapped themselves around Kakuzu and brought the broad male to the ground. Kakuzu let out a strangled whimper as he saw all the sound ninja start to surround his tied body.

The next morning Hidans pov

"Kakuzu! Kakuzu! Jashin fucking damnit where is that copper assed fucker?" Hidan said with a mix of worry and anger displayed on his face.

That morning Kakuzu pov

I started to struggle right when I woke up only to find that my body was tied up in a very strict ball tie. Kakuzu's legs were tied together and forced up to right under his ass. His arms were tied together pal to palm and there was tape rapped around his fingers so he couldn't do any jutsu's. The his arms were tied at the elbow and forced to his back which brought his chest out and there were ropes rapping up his chest. Next a thick black ball-gag with a poisonous liquid on the inside was placed in his mouth and it was stretching his jaws as far as they would go and there were bruises forming on his jaw line.

Then his legs were bent forwards to touch his chin and then there were ropes tied around his front and then rapped around his back to keep him in a ball shape. Kakuzu was whimpering and struggling trying to get out of the ball tie.

Too be continued

Tune in to see what happens to Kakuzu next and see if Hidan ever figures out where he went.

See you next time and don't forget to click that little review button I wont post the next chapter until I have at least 11 reviews totaled.


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